Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Part Dos, The Rock Hard Snake (pun intended)

     Well, after mourning the loss of my best friend (she was for about five minutes anyways), I think I'm ready to move on. After a quick trip to the local Pokémart I will be on my way.
Seriously, fuck you Weedle. Fuck you with a rake. A rake that won't call back in the morning.
  The forest was how I remembered it, dark, and full of bugs. Vicious bugs (well all except for TROLOLOL) that only wish to maim and poison all you care about. Armed with thoughts of vengeance and fury I march my way forward.
News reports would later show footage of a small, frightened boy running towards the Pewter end of Viridian Forest screaming "Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me."
I'd say that was a rousing success. I stepped through the gate house into the drab gray concrete and stone buildings of Pewter City. This is where my first real challenge would lie, defeating the gym leader. This would surely take all of my mental and physical ability to overcome such a rigorous challenge. But first, it's time for some.......
I don't have any music for this, but if I did it would be epic, just believe me. The cameras broke from the sheer amount of bad-assery going on.
About twenty (Slightly Distracted) minutes later.
Meh, close enough...
Alright, it's time. Today I will prove myself. Today, Brock goes down. Time to put on my big-boy pants and wipe that gym.

But first, whatever the hell this is. (Damn hippies.)

Whelp, here we go. Inside was rocky, to say the least. It looked like they just built the gym around some jutting rocks in the ground and then poured sand on top of it. There was a small boy in a boy scout outfit, just before the man I assume to be Brock, staring into space. Jesus Christ, What is this place! Did he lose or something? I walk up to him in an attempt to see if he needs medical attention when...
Well It's now obvious, Brock is a cult leader. He hypnotized the entire town into believing his moon-Clefairy theory. IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

He hunches over and picks a Poké ball, his one and only Poké ball, from his belt. With a lofty throw the small sphere busted open, revealing a small bolder with arms. I was stunned, to say the least, however the realization that this kid wanted a battle. So choosing the best choice for this battle I sent out the best, when... this happens
.DAYUM I love you girl!

As soon as Donna came out, so did a flurry of bubbles. I'm not sure what that Geodude was made of, but it reacted, violently I might add, with the bubbles. Several small explosions sent the Geodude flying across the room, where upon contact with the far wall it shattered. The boys second Pokémon didn't fare much better, as soon as the explodo-bubbles (Trademark of Dr. Swede as of right now, expect them on store shelves late this fall) made contact with the small, tan rodent was slammed into the ground, falling unconscious shortly after a few twitches. I was stunned, and judging by the look on his face, the kid was too. Speechlessly, I began to walk away, no need to make things awkward. However, as soon I turned around, I heard this gem. "I forgot light years is a measure of time, not distance!" The kid said, beaming in the glory of his realization. Stunned at his completely calm demeanor, I continued my walk towards Brock, kids today, huh? I continued down the path until I was face to face with the master himself.

Hey, you awake?

I wish I could say we had an epic showdown of epic proportions. But I believe these two camera shots sum everything up 

All Donna suffered was a few nicks on her shell due to both Pokémon getting lucky shots and smacking themselves against her. Brock's Pokémon, however, well just ask the big pile of rubble on the battle field. Without a word Brock handed over a small, brown chunk of metal in the shape of a rock and a CD in a plastic case labeled "Rock Tomb". I took these "gifts", despite my bewilderment and better judgement. In, what I can only guess to be, an attempt to break the awkwardness Brock nodded at me and pointed at the door. Not wanting to spend another moment here in crazy town, I followed his instructions. So that kids, Is where I will leave off, the story of how I beat a cultist.

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